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| Introduction | Equipment | Execution |


Following through with your course of action:  Once you have planned where it is you are going to fish, what time you are going to fish, and gathered all the necessary equipment you are ready to begin being a Barni.  Really, appearance is a large part of the game.  If your outward appearance mimics the Barni close enough, you will easily be able to fool those without an educated eye.  To fool the experts not only do you need the proper appearance, ou also need to behave appropriately.  Proper behavior includes, but is not limited to: scratching, belching, yelling, and drinking.  Drinking is the key to any success because the alcohol effects will quickly dissipate any lingering manners or etiquette.  Hopefully (by following the timing plans above) all your behavior should already be on par BEFORE you even begin to fish.  There is, however, a delicate balance.  Like Jackie Chan's Drunken Master, drinking in moderation will improve your abilities, but to much drinking will create problems (most notably the police coming and throwing you in the drunk tank).  Keep a low profile, observe, and practice.

The A-Z list of Tips for success:  
Ask fellow fisherman where the fish are biting
Belch loudly to announce you finished another beer
Cuss as often as you can, especially after farming a fish
Dragging the outdrive on the launching dock
Dropping something in the water- preferably expensive or valuable
Explain the secrets of Powerbait fishing
Fall into the water or fall over in your lawn chair (preferably while sleeping)
Give tips to people who are outfishing you
Holler at passing women, good looking or not
Insist on keeping everything you catch
Jump on a fishes head to make it reach the legal size limit
Keep a mental record of how well you are doing compared to your fishing partner
Loud laughing or talking between friends
Mention how many fish you caught yesterday
Never fish with under 20lb test
Openly piss into the lake/stream instead of a bush or bathroom
Put 5 or 6 heavy split shot in front of your lure to get it down there
Quit fishing when you run out of beer
Reel with your spinning reel upside down
Spill beer on oneself whenever possible
Talk about the last episode of "Fishing with Orlando Wilson"
Underwear should be partially, if not fully, visible
Venture over to the spot where someone just caught a fish and fish there.
When getting schooled explain that you don't mess around with smaller fish
Yell at the wife or kids (the wife to run to the store and get more beer, the kids to shut up)
Zero in on what color Powerbait is catching the big ones

Remember, you can't expect to just go out and join the ranks of the most foul and degenerate within one day.  Assimilation takes time and understanding.  Don't be afraid to observe and take mental notes.  Every step of the way sets the path for which your ultimate success will result.  Don't get frustrated and give up.  Stick in there and eventually you too can be a true Barni.

 
Copyright © Robert Belloni 1997-2012. All Rights Reserved.
This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed without express written consent.
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